It takes a village

When my son started school my first thought was “Wow, now I have some time for me.” That did not last long at all. On his first day when I went to go pick him up all his teachers said was he was one of the most difficult children she had. He would not listen to her or anyone else. Mind you this school’s teachers could barely speak English for the most part. Not only that but Trent has a speech impediment. Having someone who you could understand and who would take the time to understand you is very important for Trent. Well during that time his father and I were going through a divorce so I thought that might be the reason he was acting out. He continued to do badly in this school so I took him out and moved across the country from AZ to KY. When Trent started his new school in Kentucky it was the same thing. He was not only disobedient, but he was violent. Yelling at the teacher and spiting at people. He would hit, kick, bite, scratch, and push his classmate. When he got in trouble he did not go to the principals’ office, he was put in a room to sit by himself. While in this room he would take off his shoes and throw them at the wall and scream at the top of his lungs. However every time I went up to the school, which was about every day, he would act perfect. No screaming, no crying, no yelling just a very apologetic child. Once I left though I was told he went right back to a disobedient child. He would not do his work in class so I would tell his teacher to send the work home with him and I would make sure it would get done. I was told she could not do that because she could not give him longer to do it then she gave the other kids. I told her that she should give him a zero if he did not do his work, but then send the work home so he would learn then no matter what he would end up having to do the work and she still told me that she could not send it home. This school would have me come up and give the ways to get through to Trent but then would never listen. I did everything I could to see what was wrong. I got him tested. Doctors told me he was everything from ADHD to bi polar. I had him put on medication. He had so many side effects from the medication. He lost 15 lbs in 2 months on one, he would not sleep on another and then all he did was sleep. I had him in therapy. While he was in therapy he bite his therapist. I was at my wits end. I was done turning him into a Ginny pig. I could not put him through that any more so I took him out of school and started home schooling him myself. He was doing really well at it and I never had any problems with him not doing what I asked him. Then I moved again from Kentucky to Utah and decided to try him in school again. I had heard that the school he would be going to was a great school for children with disabilities. So before he even started I went in a talked to his teacher. Made sure the whole school understood that I knew Trent was difficult to handle and that if they needed me then I would be up there in the drop of a hat. They put Trent on an IEP and worked really hard with him. They would not keep him in the same room for more than 30 mins. When he did really well he would go to the lower classes and help the teachers or get some computer time. He was still having some problems sometimes but was doing far better than he ever had before. I was not up at the school every day, nor was I getting phone calls all the time. Trent was getting good grades in school and now he even wanted to go to school. This year they did the nationwide testing and he scored higher than the national average. He is getting all A’s side for one B. I have never been as proud of him as I am now. He still has some troubles but you know what he works hard to make them not matter. When he grows up he want to be a game developer and has the computer smarts to do it now if he really wanted to. I love my son and even with all the struggles we have been through I would never ever change him. He reminds me that life is not just about getting things done but making sure your doing a little of what you want as well. I don’t think one person can raise a child. It takes many people who are willing to go the extra mile to make sure the child gets to where they need to go.

Being an openly sexual parent!

Why is this country so secretive about our sexuality? I find it funny that our country has the highest percentage of teen pregnancy's over all and high up there on the STD list too. Yet our country for the most part like's to pretend sex does not exist. Parent's wait till the very last second or after it's too late to talk to their kids about sex. If there is something even just a little bit sexual on TV it gets turn off because we don’t want our kids to see it. People scream and yell about same sex marriage being wrong because we don’t want kids around it, you know just in case it rubs off. Why? Look countries like Japan who don't hide sex. They have the lowest teen pregnancy rate. In Switzerland the average age of a first time mother is 28 and their teen birth rate is 5. While here in America our teen birth rate is 64. Now that has to make you wonder what they are doing that is so different then the US. I’m not telling you to go out a rent a porno for your child. I’m just saying if we as a country became less staunch and more open about things like sex we might become a better country. Talk to your kids about sex. Answer all their questions openly and honestly. So what your face turns red and you get embarrassed. You know if we were open minded about it to begin with that would not even happen. In Switzerland the have a condom commercial were a penis sings about safe sex and no one bats an eye. Amsterdam has nude beaches and legal drugs and there crime rate, teen birth rate, and STD rate are lower than ours. Has anyone ever talked around something to you? Kind of hinting a little bit about it, but not telling you everything. Then tells you it’s bad for you and that you can’t do it. So you want to know what it is. You want to see what the big deal is. That’s what sex and drugs are for our kids. If we did not try to keep those things a secret from our kids they would not be so gun hoe about it. They would not have to go to their friends and leaner the wrong things about it. I had a friend when I was growing up whose parents were 100% open about sex with her. If they were watching a movie and a sex scene came on no one rushed to turn it off. They watched it and if she had questions they answered them for her. They even made jokes about it and made it a not so secretive thing. It was out there in the open. All they asked of her was to wait till she turned 21 to have sex. Her parents were realistic on the fact that she was not going to wait till marriage but at least keep her childhood in tacked. She waited till she was 22 to have sex with her boyfriend of 6 years. That how I want to be with my kids, I want them to be able to ask me anything and in turn I want to be able to ask them anything. Give it a try and see what happens.

What does your child know at their age?

It’s kind of scary these days to be a parent. I have an 8 year old son who already knows the gist of sex. How is that possible? I Asked him the other day just to see what he would say and he told me “ it’s when a man a women are naked and the girl get on top of the guy and they kiss.” It’s not all that goes on as we all know, but for an 8 year old to know that much is scary.

I asked my son where he heard about sex and he told me it was from TV and school. I don’t let him watch anything but cartoon network and nickelodeon. As far as I know those channels don’t really speak about sex. They do ad hints in there jokes just to keep the adult’s involved in the show. However I have never seen them talk about sex in detale, at least enough for my son to tell me about sex.

When I was in middle school my friends and I talked about sex all the time. We did not know everything, but we did know a lot. Who would think that a third grader would know more about sex then a 6^th grader? When I was 8 I had a huge crush on a boy. I wanted to be his girlfriend and he thought I had cooties. I was not thinking about sleeping with him.

Kids are learning about sex at a much younger age then before and there not learning about it from the right sources. We as parents need to start having “the talk” with our kids before they hear it from too many outside sources. They don’t learn what they need to learn about it. They need to understand that sex is not just something you do because your board. What about pregnancy, STD’s, or STI’s?

The bigger problem is not just that they are learning about it; it’s that they are doing it. In 2006 the teen pregnancy rate rose 3% from the 4% it rose in 2005. 1 in 4 sexually active teens has an STD.

Our kids are going to do it regardless if we want them to or not. At least this is how we need to look at it. If we going into it with our eyes wide open we will be better equipped to handle it. Offer contraceptives like birth control pills and condoms. I know we all want to think that it’s not their child, but would you much rather know that your child is protected and having sex then not know and your child comes home pregnant or with a lifelong STD that will shorten their life like AID’s cause I sure don’t. I would rather love my child knowing they are not perfect then think they are and find out the hard way their not!